Or should you? Life is fluid. It is not static. Change must occur as an inevitable part of life. It is going to happen to you whether you want it to or not.
But what if you could be in control of the changes instead of having them just happen to you?
This is the difference between being proactive and causing things to occur, and reactive, simply reacting to what is occurring. I think we can all agree that causing things to occur gives us the maximum amount of control over the situations in our lives.
I think we can also agree that having control over our lives is not only desireable but absolutely necessary.
Ok, so we agree that we should be able to change things at will in order to have control and that having control is a good thing. Therefore being able to change things at will is also necessary.
Still, many people have an aversion to change, a terror even of changing anything in their lives. Some others are so paralyzed by indecision that they never make a move.
But what is stopping us? What considerations or thoughts do we have on changing situations that paralyzes us and makes us incapable of executing needed changes?
1) The Devil you Know Vs The Devil You Don’t Know.
You are in an undesirable situation. But it could be worse right?
Yes! It could be, but it could be a to better too, A lot better! And if it does get worse, make another change and keep making changes until it is what you want. So much about getting what you want in life is about persistence. You just keep at it, keep making changes until you get the desired outcome.
2) It would upset someone if you changed.
This is a biggie. As I write this, various songs go through my mind “Just the Way You Are” by Billy Joel is one.
While it is great that someone loves you just the way you are, the idea that they may not love you if you change yourself or your life can paralyze you.
Anytime you want to take any step in any direction in life, you can ALWAYS find someone who thinks it is a bad idea. If you elicit their opinions, they will give you all of the awful things that could happen were you to take this drastic step.
I have a friend who wanted to pursue his dream. He did the research and was fine on moving forward, then his family got involved. Suddenly I received frantic questions asking about the likliehood of these terrible things occurring were he to continue on this path. In the end, he scrapped his dream. Now he watches others doing what he wanted to do and is stuck on the sidelines. All of those worries and fears were overblown stupidity. Of course something can go wrong but trust yourself to put it right.
There are people who are fraid of their own shadows and they will give you all kinds of reasons not to do anything. There are also others who are threatened by the fact of your changing. They fear change so much that they would rather keep their foot on your neck than live with the change in you.
With these people, you have to get them to accept the idea that you are not static and want to improve things and conditions in your life.
If they cannot live with that, you have to decide whether you can live with them.
3) What if you don’t like your new self?
If you don’t have any idea who or what your new self will be, you may not like it when you get there. Before you make any changes it is good to sit down and decide what is the ideal version of the person or condition you want to change to?
Also realize that becoming this new person will may not magically fix everything in your life but it is a terrific place to start!
4) You can’t figure out how to make the change.
Every change requires education. We know all about who and what we are now because we are it, but the new thing? Totally different! What category of identity are you aiming to be? What education do you need to get you there. You can’t be an airline pilot without having taken flying lessons.
Every identity has an educational step even if this step only consists of close observation. If you are willing to educate yourself, you can pretty much do anything!
This is the killer, We can change tomorrow or the next day. We are not in enough pain right now so why make a change?
I once heard a wise man talk about this. In essence what he said was that unless the pain in the trap is more than what one finds getting out of the trap, one is likely to remain trapped.
Sometimes coming out of a trap is excruciating. But what of staying in the trap? A while life lived half way is a million times more excruciating, It just doesn’t seem that way because the pain is spread out over time. Add it all up and it is plenty painful.
Will you suffer more pain in the trap? It depends. If you have overdue rent and are doing nothing about it because it is too hard or painful, the inevitable day will come when you get kicked out. At that point, the pain outside the trap will be much greater than the trap of not having the money to pay rent. In other words you will have no choice but to figure out a solution or you will be homeless.
Let’s say a woman gets abused mentally and sometimes physically by her husband. She doesn’t want to leave because that means starting over and creating a whole new life. It isn’t until she gets the crap beat out of her that she makes the change. Suddenly life in the trap is a whole lot more painful than the pain of getting out of it.
We are powerful beings. We are only trapped by our own consent. If we are in any trap (and you know if you are.) we can get out of it. If you see no way out, start by looking at your own “reasons” to stay in it. These reasons are nothing more than agreements with being trapped.
Start to make changes. They can be small at first, even tiny or miniscule. But once you get used to it, you will find that you can get yourself out of and into anything. It is enormously powerful and a ton of fun!
It is not that scary and you can back out any time. Write me if you need help.