Chris here taking feminine finger to pink and fluffy keyboard to give you a little insight into the female mind.
Now I know that this title will get me a ration of poo from angry males who feel they have been maligned but I am trying to save your life here so zip it and listen.
If you are here, it is very likely that you are a man. And it is more likely than not that you are currently in the dog house and that it was a surprise.
First of all, good on you that you are seeking the answer to why she went off on you when all you did was…….
If you want your lady back, study this, buy her flowers and jewelry and NEVER do these things again.
Make fun of or in any way minimizing her monthly bullshit
Every month when this shows up you had better be there with the heating pad and brandy. Whip out the foot rubs and listen to her cry.
I am here to tell you that the monthly satanic visitor from HELL is horrible. Have you ever had one of those foot cramps that catch you by surprise and twist your foot into an odd shape and hurt like hell?
Ok imagine that happening to your balls.
That is what she is dealing with. It hurts. She is tired from pain. hormones are running rampant and she has had just about enough.
Treat her how you would want to be treated if you had a ball cramp for days. She will love you more when she comes out of it.
Express disapproval when she wants to eat something fattening.
As women, we are trained and conditioned every single day of our lives to adhere to and strive for an untenable standard of “beauty”. We are compared by ourselves and others to magazine covers that have been airbrushed halfway to Hades.
Companies make millions selling weight loss solutions and no matter what we look like, it is never good enough.
If you join in, you are betraying her. Love her for who she is and what she looks like. Soon we will all be old and none of us will look like we do now. And you will have hair growing out of your ears.
Make fun of her shoes
Yes we have too many shoes. Yes our side of the closet is way bigger than your side. But you only have to be clean. We have to be beautiful. Shoes make us beautiful in our own eyes. Anything that has destroyed our confidence can be fixed with new shoes.
What I am trying to say is whenever there is anything wrong in our lives, we get new shoes. That is just how it is. The sooner you accept this fact, the happier you will be.
Insult her dog
Death; Instant and remorseless. That is all I will say. You had better have your coffin picked out and your life insurance paid up.
Make fun of her cooking
If you want to sleep alone for a week and probably in the garage, make some snide crack about how you smelled burning tires as you came in or hold up your overcooked steak and let it drop on the plate with a sickening splat.
You. Will. Never. Have. Sex. Again.
Slap her bare ass while she is bending over picking up your socks.
While in some romantic comedy movies this ends in sex, in life it ends with a black eye, or worse, your entire week’s worth of laundry headed to the shredder.
In extreme cases she will take your credit cards and shop. She will not stop until every last digit on every last card is worn down smoother than a baby’s butt cheek. (See previous about shoes)
Come home drunk and expect something
Whether it be cooking or sex, you drunk will not get it. You will get an early alarm going off in your ear and the smell of sautéing onions first thing in the morning, and again, no sex.
Be snarky or sarcastic
No one likes this. Just don’t do it.
Make fun of her dreams
Women dream. Sometimes our dreams are wildly unreal. But our ability to dream is what makes us who we are. It is how we create loving homes and families. It is how we get going in the morning.
This is actually true of everyone. Dreams are sacrosanct. Please do not destroy them for any reason. It costs nothing to let someone keep them.
Destroy yourself in any way.
The women that I know understand that one of their jobs in life is to make their man happy just as the men I know understand that one of their jobs in life is to make their lady happy.
One day I was unhappy. I mentioned it to my husband and he got upset. He told me that he would work his fingers to the bone just to make me happy. I was pretty stunned that a) he would do that for me and b) that my unhappiness had that effect on him.
And I realized that by not being happy, I was making his job impossible.
Don’t criticize yourself in front of her. It hurts her. Don’t engage in destructive habits. It worries her. Don’t let others abuse you, it infuriates her.
Let her love and help you and if you do that and NEVER DO THESE OTHER THINGS AGAIN. you will be fine and she will be happy.
You are welcome.