How to Keep From Being a Victim of Abuse

How to avoid being a victim of abuse

How to avoid being a victim of abuse

The firestorms surrounding sexual harassment in Hollywood are heating up even more.

The outing of Harvey Weinstein and the exposition of the allegations that he is a serial abuser that “everyone knew about” was a shocker for everyone outside of Hollywood.

Insiders are speaking out about this pattern of abuse in the entertainment industry. Women and children have been forced or lured into uncomfortable situations and felt that they had to play along.

I am also hearing from men who have been subjected to this abuse by women. The book “You’ll Never Eat Lunch in This Town Again” by Producer Julia Phillips, details how an actor from the hottest movie out at that time was sent to her for the evening. Her casual way of admitting this leads one to believe that this was somehow “normal”.

I have had male friends who were in the industry tell me how powerful women used them as boy toys.

My point is that there are shitty people everywhere and as soon as they perceive that they have power or influence, they use it to dominate people or to play out their sexually deviant fantasies. This can destroy someone’s life.

That said, you can swim in shark infested waters and avoid being eaten.

Always keep to the highest level of ethics you possibly can.

If you think something is wrong or weird or you shouldn’t do it, don’t!

The mechanics of abuse is that the abuser first attempts to get you to do something he can use against you to induce a feeling of guilt and shame. For some it is drugs. For some it is sex.

The guilt and shame you feel for having compromised your own integrity makes it easy for the abuser to get you to blame yourself and makes it a lot less likely that you will seek help.

It is a sick and twisted mind fuck of the most evil nature. (Sorry for the “F” bomb but that is the only word that fits.)

No matter what someone says to you or promises you, never compromise your integrity.

Don’t do drugs.

Many abusers introduce drugs to those they are targeting for abuse. When a person is under the influence, they are much easier to control. Don’t kid yourself. It is not about having a good time or partying. It is about control. The goal is to get you to lose yours so they can take over.

It is sad to look at the list of child stars who died before their time. They appeared too crazy or too addicted to survive. They did not get like that accidentally. Many people are easy to drive insane when drugs are involved.

Post hypnotic suggestion under the influence of drugs goes in deep, way below the level of consciousness. It can make you do things you normally would not. A sociopathic person can introduce suggestions that you later think are your own thoughts. He or she can introduce ideas such as that they control you, or they are your master and you would never know, except that you find yourself acting strangely for no observable reason.

The “unhinged” people who shoot up schools and public places have all been on heavy drugs. Even casual statements can become powerful post hypnotic suggestions as many of these drugs have a hypnotic effect. Don’t put yourself in a situation where your mental health is at risk.

Don’t do drugs.

Trust your gut

If your instincts tell you not to go see someone or that something seems weird or off about an encounter, end it. If you don’t want to state why, tell them you have the stomach flu and you have been vomiting with diarrhea all day. This will give you a pass.

Identify the people most likely to abuse

This can be a tricky one. Many abusers can be so charming while they press drugs on you or spike your drink.

If someone is trying very hard to get you to do drugs, you had better question their intentions. It is never in your best interests and in fact, is a covert attempt to harm you.

If someone is trying to convince you that certain practices are “normal” consult your own moral compass and go with your gut.

If you get a bad or weird feeling from someone, stay away from them.

Stay away from areas where strange practices are considered “common”.

There are areas where sociopathic behavior has taken over. Hollywood has shown us this in the last few days.

When I was young, I worked in night clubs as a cocktail waitress. I can tell you that from my experience, working as a cocktail waitress in nightclubs where alcohol and drugs are rampant is not a good plan if you want to avoid rape and abuse.

Choose your path wisely and stay away from the crazy as best you can.

Learn how to deal with sociopaths

In certain careers, you cannot avoid these places. I also worked as the only female (singer/ bassist) in a male band and one of the only female bassists in the entire area.

When you attract attention, you attract sociopaths.

When you find one in your environment, realize you did nothing to “deserve” it other than communicating and attracting attention which is vital in any entertainment job.

When they come swimming into your area, identify them immediately and get them gone.

I don’t care how powerful they are, how connected they are or what they promise or threaten.

I have heard story after story of actresses, female musicians and child actors saying how some low life promised to ruin their careers if they did not play along.

Ultimately, those sociopaths have gone down the chute. the ones who stood their ground are still there and doing well.

Never, Ever, Ever accept that you are a victim.

As a female musician and later a female executive I have been abused. I have been date raped and have had other unspeakable things happen to me. Before I figured out how to handle it, it bothered me a lot.

The one most powerful thing I did in each of those circumstances was to look at where I went wrong.

Never did I blame myself for what happened. Instead I identified my part in it even if it was a tiny one.

Once I identified where I started down the path that led to my abuse, I was able to change things to keep it from happening in the future. By seeing my actions and responsibilities in it, however innocent, I could see where it led. In the case of the date rape, I identified what I did, told myself “Well, that was stupid” and went on with my life.

By identifying the part of YOU that was at least partially responsible for what occurred, it keeps you out of the dangerous victim mind set.

Once you have elected yourself a victim, you have handed control over your universe to someone else. This is a highly dangerous thing to do. Those who do this become a total effect of life and life then treats them even worse.

Let’s change things

This recent bombshell in Hollywood involving Harvey Weinstein is a very good thing although it is hard to look at because it is so nasty.

The shock and outrage of the viewing public has sent a powerful message to Hollywood that this type of behavior will not be tolerated.

Various others guilty of the same crimes are running scared.

It is my hope that this ushers out the dark age of Hollywood where people are used and destroyed by sociopaths and ushers in a new golden age where our beautiful and bright artists are allowed to express their talents freely without paying a horrible price.

In life, be aware, know that there are sociopaths out there and keep your own counsel.

I hope this helps.

XO Chris




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