Wow I am bowled over by the number of new subscribers I have! Welcome aboard all you new folks!!!!! I am so happy you joined us!
As many of you know, I have a radio segment with my friend and fellow life coach, Dr.Sally Nutter and it is called “Two Great Minds-Chris and Sally.” On our segment we discuss various parts of life that people normally have trouble with or find mysterious.
Our most recent show was on the subject of Control and we were amazed at how many people listened! It was far and away the biggest audience we have ever had. (Here is a link to the archived show if you want to listen to it: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/sallynutter/2014/02/08/two-great-minds–chris-and-sally–about-control)
Control is a really touchy subject. There are many people who are absolutely allergic to control, probably because bad control was used on them way too much in the past. To them, control is always bad but this is not the case. There is such a thing as good control.
The definition of Control is simply to determine the direction or behavior of someone or something.
Someone who drives his car is controlling it. He is determining the direction or behavior of it and he had better if he wants to survive. Cars that are not being controlled end up in ditches with bloody body parts strewn all over the place.
A man who is in management has to control the people under him and the things around him. He does so in order to keep the business running and profitable so that his employees will have jobs to come to every day and will be able to feed their families. A manager who does not control his people will lose money and ultimately fail in business. His employees will be out of jobs.
Good control is clear cut, easily understandable and consistent. Rules are followed the same way by everyone. The rewards and penalties are well defined so there are no nasty surprises. A boss who controls people in this way is usually liked and respected.
Control is not domination.
In many online dictionaries, the definition of “control” contains the word “Dominate”. Let’s not confuse these as they are very different words with very different meanings.
While someone who is attempting to dominate someone else is trying to control them in an insane and sick way, a wife who makes a nice dinner of nutritious food for her husband is also controlling him. She is getting him to stay home and have a good meal instead of getting fast food or a pizza because she knows her food is better.
A man who stops his wife from flirting with another man is not dominating her but enforcing the agreements of the marriage which does not include flirty communications with other men.
A mom who refuses to allow her teenaged daughter to stay out all night with her boyfriend is not dominating her daughter but she is putting in some control. After all, her daughter’s survival is her primary concern.
On the other hand a man who tells his wife or girlfriend that she cannot talk to ANY other man or anyone that he does not want her to talk to is definitely trying to dominate.
It is also dominating behavior for a parent to let fly a string of micromanaging orders to his kids on every little thing they do. This is highly destructive behavior and highly insulting to those who are treated this way.
There are so many ways of trying to dominate people that control tends to be looked on with suspicion and it really shouldn’t be. When using control, use good control.
By far the best control is that control that invites the other person’s willingness to participate. This is a very high level of control and extremely effective. If you have kids or a spouse, the best way to control them is to do so with very high affinity or love and only to control them to the extent that it helps them. If you mix these two things, affinity and help, you will have very little trouble controlling the people, pets and even the things around you. try this and tell me how it works for you. I answer all communication except troll communication but I know you are not trolls so write me!